Imaginary
by tii-chan17
Summary: Yumichika always thought his feelings for Ikkaku were hopeless. Song fic, inspired by Imaginary by Evanescence.


**A/N: Woo, oneshot! I don't really do many of these, but this idea came to me in the shower, as most of my fic ideas do (for some reason), and I just couldn't let it go. I really like it. It's cute. But also angsty, for me. Y'know, ever since I started listening to Evanescence, I've been writing a lot more angst. It's weird what music can do to your psyche, huh? O.O  
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**I love the song that inspired this, I think the lyrics are gorgeous, and the meaning can be interpreted in many ways. Also, I'm interested in the workings of the human mind, and this is so true to real life (tell me honestly: who DOESN'T daydream?) that I just fell in love with it. It's not even so much the tune, really... (which is gorgeous too...) XP  
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**I've never written an IkkaYumi before, but I think they're really cute together. And there's kind of a lack of this pairing compared to others, so I thought, 'Why not?', and here you have it.  
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**I hope y'all like it as much as me, and please review, because I'll love you forever. Really. X3  
**

**Disclaimer. I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. All credit goes to Kubo Tite. And credit to Evanescence for their song Imaginary too! No sueing, thank you.**

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Imaginary

"_In my field of paper flowers,  
And candy clouds of lullabies,  
I lie inside myself for hours,  
And watch my purple sky fly over me."_

_Imaginary, Evanescence_

Ayasegawa Yumichika sat on his favourite lapis-lazuli rock and stared up at the swirling violet clouds above him. His Inner World really was very beautiful, with its soft, snow-white grass that was really more like down, and the flowers that never wilted.

But it seemed…tainted, somehow.

It hadn't always been; during his early days at Shino Academy and in the Eleventh Division, Yumichika's world had been positively radiant. He had been extremely proud and fond of it, and often lamented that no one else would be able to share its beauty with him.

Of course, that fact made it all the more special and private (and in turn more dazzling), but with time came want, and with want came disappointment, and with disappointment came sadness.

And, inevitably, with sadness came the slow evaporation of the previously unblemished magnificence of the area he was currently seated in.

Yumichika's pensive expression faltered as his mind fell back (as it always did these days) to the cause of this decay.

Ikkaku had always been his very best friend. From the moment they met, the pair had always watched each other's backs and protected the other from harm, whether emotional or physical.

For a long, blissful period of time, Yumichika had been content with his undeniably close friendship with the bald man, but, as said before, with time came want. He wanted more with Ikkaku, he wanted more _from_ him.

Suddenly, friendship wasn't enough anymore.

Although, looking back, Yumichika admitted, maybe it wasn't so sudden after all. The fondness for his companion had always been there, but every day, with every movement the man made, with every obnoxiously wide grin he graced the other with, Yumichika's affection had grown.

And one day, it had all abruptly crashed down on him in a horrible realisation.

He hadn't been able to look Ikkaku in the eyes at all that week, always fearing that the other would be able to see his feelings behind them, like they were windows into his soul. However, six days after his avoidance of the bald man started, Ikkaku had finally exploded and demanded to know what was wrong. When Yumichika wouldn't tell him, he begged and pleaded for hours before giving up. Yumichika knew his refusal to reveal what was troubling him had hurt the other, but really, he wasn't up to it. He couldn't bear to be rejected.

And he would be rejected, eventually, because eventually Ikkaku would find out. He knew the narcissist well enough for that, and Yumichika wasn't vain enough to assume the man would return his affections. But he could delay that inevitable pain for as long as he could.

Yes, Ikkaku was straight as straight could be, no matter how many glances Yumichika caught him stealing at the effeminate man when they were alone, no matter how many times he thought he saw an echo of his own longing in those familiar eyes.

No. He was making it up.

None of it was real; they were just reflections of the excruciating _want_ inside him.

Yumichika curled up into a ball, still on his rock, his lungs feeling like they were contracting. Oh, how he wanted.

It began to rain.

"_Yumichika!"_

His head snapped up, then sank down to its previous position once he realised it was a conjuring of his imagination.

"_Yumichika!"_

This time, he sat up. That wasn't a hallucination. Ikkaku was calling for him. And dammit if he wasn't going to answer.

"_Yumichika, wake up! _Please_!"_

_I'm coming, Ikkaku.  
_

Slowly, as if he had a whole planet weighing them down, Yumichika cracked open his eyelids.

"Oh my God! Yumichika, you're awake! Thank God, thank you…" Ikkaku trailed off, his tears finally overflowing.

"Ikkaku?" Yumichika tried to sit up in alarm, but found he could not move more a couple of inches off the unfamiliar bed he was lying on before his arms gave way and he fell back down onto the mattress.

"Yumichika—I thought you were going to die! I really did! They said they were losing you, and I—" Ikkaku broke off again.

Yumichika stayed silent for a very long time. Then…

"What do you mean?"

Ikkaku looked up at him incredulously. "You don't remember?" he asked quietly.

"Remember what?"

"We were fighting an infestation of Hollows in Rukongai. I was having a hard time of it, so you turned to help me. Then—then a Hollow came at you from behind and knocked you flying. You cracked your skull when you landed, and the Fourth couldn't come for ages because they were being held up by Hollows as well. And when they finally did come…they said they might not be able to save you. You've been in a coma for about a week now," Ikkaku finished hoarsely, voice rough from his previous sobs.

Yumichika groaned in embarrassment at his folly, which was now beginning to slowly extract itself from the haze of memories in his foggy mind. "I'm such an idiot."

Ikkaku's eyes widened. "No you're not! If I'd been competent enough to hold my own against a few Hollows, then none of this would've happened! It's all my fault! I'm so sorry, Yumichika. If you'd died, like they said you might, I dunno how I would've coped. I nearly stopped breathing when they said your condition was deteriorating."

Yumichika's ears pricked. "When was that?" he asked curiously, finally finding the strength to turn his head and look around the room. They were in the Fourth alright, and no one else was there. The monitoring equipment beeped comfortingly (he thought, anyway), and apart from an IV in his left arm, there weren't any horrid tubes or anything sticking out of him.

"About a day ago," Ikkaku answered his question, "They said your heart rate had slowed down dramatically, and you were barely breathing."

"And then what?" Yumichika asked, remembering the suppressed feeling in his lungs while he'd been in his Inner World.

"And then I started talking to you. Calling your name. Unohana-taicho said it might help," Ikkaku revealed.

Yumichika nodded pensively, his face falling as he remembered his train of thought down in his subconscious. The feeling of grief hadn't quite gone away. It probably never would.

"Yumichika? What's wrong?" Ikkaku asked, concerned. He always had been alert to Yumichika's mood.

Yumichika sighed. "Not much, I'm just feeling tired after…sleeping for a week. Weird, huh?" Yumichika tried and failed for a smile.

Ikkaku remained unconvinced. "Right. What's really the matter?"

Yumichika remained silent.

Ikkaku grasped his friend's chin and turned his face towards the right so he could look him in the eye. Yumichika's breath hitched.

"I'm so glad you're still alive," Ikkaku told him solemnly, "You're one of—no, _the_ most important person in my life, and I wouldn't be able to handle losing you."

Yumichika smiled gently at his friend. "Me neither," he whispered.

Ikkaku gulped, and opened his mouth as if to speak, only to sjut it again. Finally, he spoke.

"I…there's something I need to tell you," he stuttered, looking embarrassed and awkward.

Yumichika raised his eyebrows. Normally, Ikkaku was one of the most confident and least-easily-embarrassed people he knew, save perhaps for Zaraki and the soutaicho, but now…

This 'something' must be really important. And personal.

Yumichika smiled gratefully, "I'm glad you know you can trust me with anything," he said, not needing to reassure Ikkaku that he could 'tell him anything'. They both already knew that; it had been figured out long ago.

"You might hate me," Ikkaku warned.

"I doubt it." Yumichika said confidently.

Ikkaku stared a hole in the ground. "I…I know that you like looking nice and dressing good and stuff," he started eloquently, "but I know that doesn't mean you're…well, you know…" Ikkaku trailed off, mortified.

Yumichika's eyes widened. Was this going where he thought it…?

"But I've felt like this for—oh, screw it!" Ikkaku got fed up. "I want you as more than a friend!" he burst out, looking like he wanted to fall down a deep, dark hole straight afterwards.

Yumichika stared at him, eyes wide, for a very long time. Was this real? Was it a joke, or some stupid dream he'd managed to cook up?

No…Yumichika knew Ikkaku well enough to be certain he wasn't playing him along (not that he'd ever do something like that anyway), and the sheer bleariness of his mind was proof enough to him that he was most definitely awake.

Ikkaku had just started to look like he wanted to commit suicide when Yumichika finally spoke.

"…Me too," he murmured, barely more than a whisper.

Ikkaku froze for a split second, before his face split into the most enormous grin Yumichika had ever seen on him or anyone else.

"God, we're idiots" Ikkaku snorted, before grasping his companion's shoulders and bringing him up into a soft, gentle kiss.

It didn't stay soft and gentle for long.

Soon, teeth and tongues were colliding in a fierce, raw grappling of passion, and Yumichika had to gasp for breath and fist his hands in the back of Ikkaku's shihakusho, just to keep himself grounded.

All previous worries for Yumichika's physical health were forgotten as he bit down harshly (though not enough to draw blood) on Ikkaku's bottom lip, sending the bald man into a desperate frenzy of desire. He forced his mouth down even harder on Yumichika's own, grinding his pelvis into the other man's.

Yumichika broke away with a gasp, pushing Ikkaku back by the shoulders. Ikkaku looked shocked and confused, and not a little hurt, as he stared into Yumichika's eyes, as if searching for the cause of his sudden termination of their lust.

"Not here," Yumichika breathed his explanation. "Anyone could walk in," he said between gasps for air.

Ikkaku groaned. "But Yumichika—"

Yumichika shook his head, smiling at his friend fondly. "Later," he promised, desire smouldering in his eyes.

Ikkaku swallowed, then reluctantly moved away. "Concentrate on getting better, then," he instructed. "I don't want to wait too long."

Yumichika chuckled once before falling asleep again, exhausted both physically and mentally.

_So it wasn't all imaginary after all_, he thought before he drifted off into his once-again spectacular Dream World.

_Finis_

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**A/N: Wharrgg... (strange noise ftw!)  
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**I was contemplating just leaving this fic as Yumichika's (sad, SAD) musings, but though I may be more prone to angst these days, I'm still a sucker for a happy ending. So a happy ending you have!  
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**Hope you liked, but if you didn't, don't flame. My pet dragon will eat you. NOM NOM NOM.  
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**Don't be freaked out. I'm always like this. XP  
**


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